Conquering Holiday Stress With Confidence
ARIEL LUDWIG, LSCSW, LCAC | Outpatient Services Manager | Valeo Behavioral Health Care
Although the holiday season can evoke many positive emotions, such as joy, gratitude and love, it can also introduce some unwanted stress. When considering holiday stress, some additional anxieties include expanded responsibilities, financial pressure, shifting family dynamics and disruptions to daily routines.
To tackle additional stress, it is essential to examine the nature of our stress and its triggers. Coping with it is most effective when we gain awareness of what is causing our stress, then set healthy boundaries.
START WITH AWARENESS
When stress reaches intolerable levels, we are oftentimes unable to recognize its intensity. Uninhibited, demonstrative moods are tell-tale signs of excessive stress.
The first step to resolving stress is gaining awareness of what triggers us. How can we identify our triggers?
Below are some of the more commonly described negative emotions experienced during the holiday season, along with their respective emotional, physical, cognitive and behavioral manifestations.
Excessive frustration leads to irritability and having a short fuse. Symptoms include shallow breathing, tense muscles, chest tightness and increased heart rate, as well as racing thoughts, trouble concentrating and overreacting to minor annoyances.
Feelings of fear and anxiety activate the body’s fight-or-flight response, leading to catastrophic and all-or-nothing thinking. Typical behaviors include avoidance, reassurance seeking, restlessness and procrastination.
Loneliness and sadness create heaviness and lack of motivation. Thoughts often include self-criticism and unfavorable comparisons. Watch for withdrawing from social opportunities and erratic changes in sleep and diet.
ESTABLISH BOUNDARIES
After identifying the symptoms of unhealthy stress, one can move toward establishing healthier boundaries for the upcoming holiday season. When applying boundaries, be firm, consistent and willing to correct mistakes.
PLAN AHEAD
Outline what you want your holidays to look like, including family, friends, tasks, roles and budget. Communicate that plan with others so they, too, can be involved in helping. Ask others for help or delegate roles using assertive language. For the budget, save early and determine the types of gifts that fit within it.
KNOW YOUR LIMITS
Know your limits and let others know what they are, too. For example, set time limitations by committing a certain amount of time to a specific location or event. Be firm yet kind. Create a to-do list with the understanding that it’s okay not to complete everything. Take your emotional temperature regularly to become accustomed to recognizing when you’re reaching your limits. Then, when reaching a limit, kindly excuse yourself.
ADJUST YOUR APPROACH
Remember that setting boundaries comes with mistakes. Be willing to correct errors and reevaluate boundaries to adjust. Keep track of what has worked and what has not. If you get stuck, ask for help from people who have your best interests in mind. Do not get bogged down in the mistakes; take a breath and move forward. If unsure how to set a boundary, start small and work toward a larger boundary. Lastly, validate yourself and find someone else to validate you.
STRATEGIES FOR COPING WITH STRESS
There are many skills one can engage in to help alleviate stress in the moment. Finding the ones that work is about learning, practicing and refining.
The first one used by many is cognitive reframing. Identify the unhelpful thought, challenge it by questioning whether the idea is helpful, beneficial or realistic, and then reframe the thought to something more reasonable.
Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) is also a popular theory. ACT aims not to eliminate emotions, but rather to change our relationship with them. ACT has some good, quick defusion skills when we get stuck. For example, one can thank the mind, label stress as “bad” and unhelpful, and then move on to something more productive.
Somatic methods are another quick way to lower stress. If you feel overwhelmed, stand up and stretch your legs, while inhaling deeply through your nose, and cross both arms above your head. Hold your breath while holding the pose. Then, exhale deeply while slowly bringing your arms back to your sides.
Another approach is mindfulness, which is about staying present with intent, refocusing your energy and attention. An easy grounding technique is to sit back relaxed in a chair, close your eyes, inhale slowly, hold, exhale slowly, then return to normal. While your eyes are closed, remain calm and pull your focus on what is around you. If a thought creeps back in, take note, then refocus on the grounding technique.
PRESENT, NOT PERFECTION
Stress is real, but it doesn’t have to define your season. By setting sensible expectations, prioritizing self-care and staying connected to what matters, you can turn chaos into serenity. Whether it’s saying “no” to an event, creating a budget or carving out peaceful moments for yourself, small choices can lead to significant relief.
The holidays are not about perfection. They’re about staying present. Tolerate the stress for what it is and let go of what you cannot change or control. Focus on the moment, cope when you can, honor boundaries and give yourself grace. If we do that, we can create more meaningful memories.
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