Are You Listening?

Telling the stories of local businesses comes from being curious, talking to people, asking questions, and most importantly, listening to what they have to say. It sounds simple. After all, we all have ears. However, many of us have forgotten how to really listen.

We find ourselves partially listening as we multitask. I can type on my computer, check my phone, scan a memo, monitor another conversation at the next desk, all while “listening” to a person standing right in front of me. I hear their words. I respond with the appropriate nods and “uh-huhs,” but those words don’t necessarily penetrate the clutter in my head. The result is that I forget what was said the minute the conversation is over, or I make assumptions based on the half of the conversation that actually stuck. And you know what they say about people who assume...

The worst part is that the people talking to us know we aren’t fully engaged, so they feel their words aren’t important, or even worse, they stop talking altogether.

For those of us who pride ourselves on being multitaskers, it means we have to consciously shut down the other task that are screaming for our attention at that moment. But more than that, we have to help the person speaking to us know we are really listening.

At a time when we are in desperate need of connection and understanding, here are a few things that I am working at to better listen to those around me.

Ask good questions. One of the best ways to learn to listen is to ask questions. Be curious to discover things you may not already know. Follow up each question with a response that shows you are truly interested in what the other person has to say. They will be encouraged to keep talking and you will find it easier to also stay engaged.

Wait to speak. This one is hard. Silence can be painful. But if we interrupt someone or jump to our next question or tell our story, we takeaway the opportunity for the other person to speak. What if that lost part of the response would have been the most important piece of their story?

Stay focused. Don’t let distractions take you back to partial listening. That notification on your phone can wait.

Don’t fill in the holes. We often make assumptions based on personal experiences. Try to keep an open mind when you listen. Don’t let your brain automatically fill in information, even if it seems obvious. You might be surprised at how many things really aren’t obvious.

Think about the people in your life that are good listeners. What is the emotion that thinking of them provokes? My guess is that it is a positive emotion and one that you would like others to feel about you. I know that I hope I can do a better job of listening starting today to ensure that when my kids, my husband or my friends need someone to listen, that I’m on the top of their list to call.